Went on an AMAZING run yesterday. I'm not a huge fan of running, but i know it's probably the only sport that i can be good at (i'm awful at team sports). I remember in JC, i became a huge workout nut after joining odac. we trained like crazy in jc 1 and that was when my skin started becoming really really bad. i fell off the wagon in jc 2 and yup, here i am now... back on the wagon. i don't remember feeling this good when i was in jc1 though. must be the weather lol.
i always have to mentally push myself when it comes to running and i find that way more torturous than the physically pushing myself. but i guess you just have to go pass a point and then it gets easier, and that point is the beginning. just keep pushing on, keep putting one foot in front of the other. you won't stop unless you let yourself.
but seriously, it's definitely the weather. i always feel like dying when i run in SG because it's so fucking hot and it just drains your energy. the weather was so nice yesterday - cooling and sunny.
anyhow, having muscles REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE. i love this feeling!!
but why my weight still the same?! WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!
okay NVM, positive self-talk.
it's a long process for you, BUT as long as you don't stop, as long as you keep going, you'll get there!!! you can do it :) remember what Confucius said? it doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop! jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!!
Friday, March 2
Sunday, February 26
I always get nervous when i think about traveling alone... but then, i've actually been in a foreign place by myself quite a few times already (albeit for short periods) and i tend to forget about them.. but they do count what.
1. waiting to return to UK from spain
spent a day by myself at this ulu area while i waited to get back to the UK. was a place where there were many "transit" hotels so there honestly was nothing much to do and it looked super industrial. roamed around for like an hour and found a shopping mall :D ding ding ding! it honestly wasn't scary at all but i got bored quite quickly.
2. salamanca? valladolid?
can't rmb which city it was. but katie and becca were taking forever to do their souvenir shopping so i just ambled off by myself to h&m and zara lols. it was very busy so many people around so didn't feel like i was alone at all.
3. manchester
ya, yellowcard concert.
uhm... i think that's about it FOR NOW hehehe. but the point is, it's not scary!!! don't psych yourself out okkkkk
1. waiting to return to UK from spain
spent a day by myself at this ulu area while i waited to get back to the UK. was a place where there were many "transit" hotels so there honestly was nothing much to do and it looked super industrial. roamed around for like an hour and found a shopping mall :D ding ding ding! it honestly wasn't scary at all but i got bored quite quickly.
2. salamanca? valladolid?
can't rmb which city it was. but katie and becca were taking forever to do their souvenir shopping so i just ambled off by myself to h&m and zara lols. it was very busy so many people around so didn't feel like i was alone at all.
3. manchester
ya, yellowcard concert.
uhm... i think that's about it FOR NOW hehehe. but the point is, it's not scary!!! don't psych yourself out okkkkk
Wednesday, February 22
It's getting kinda frustrating >.< i've upped my activity level by so much more but i only lost 1kg. i don't want to make it such that i end up having to be really strict with what i eat, but it seems like i may have to start doing that. i'm already watching what i eat and compared to last term/last year, i'm eating way better. the occasional pizza, cake, chips, pastries etc. like once a week. when i'm peckish, i have yoghurt and granola most of the time. i haven't bought any cookies or whatsoever from tesco since i got back too :(
boohoooooo.
boohoooooo.
Monday, February 20
I just kept telling myself how blessed i am as i walked along the coast of Lindisfarne yesterday. The view was amazing, the company was awesome and i had a wonderful time. I like how journeys like these always make you appreciate the world so much more. I'm glad to be alive, so glad to have met all the people i've met, and so glad to have amazing friends.
*
I was thinking about all the emotional outbursts i had before... and i am really sooo bad at handling such things. I don't think i've ever handled a relationship well before, honestly speaking. And not trying to push the blame or what, but i think the kind of dynamics my parents' relationship has has kinda rubbed off on me the wrong way, probably the cause for how inapt i am in this area. That's why i'm so drama HAHA.
I didn't know better when i was younger. I just acted the same way my mum did. But i think since i hit the good ol' 20s, i've been trying to run from drama (except in the case of fongdemort la. that one too epic already HAHA). no drama for me anymore, thanks. i had enough in the past decade to last me a lifetime. i just want to watch the drama unfold from the audiences' perspective.
and no, i won't ever put my kids through the same thing.
Saturday, February 18
It's a beautiful night
Weeheeee. Last night i had FREE WINE AND PIZZA. last minute some more. WHY DID I HAVE MY DINNER EARLY?! surprisingly, i still managed to eat quite a bit. haha, MACHINEEEE. Muthashiok ttm ^__^ But that means i overate like crazy... and missed working out :( We only got home at 10pm.
Got my program downloaded ^___^ happpyyyy. Did 55 EZ + 10 Abs + 10 Stretch and was gonna do 20 Core... but dafuq.... so difficult. i stopped we 5 mins left for core. Good enough la k lol. back on the wagon again!! took 4 (okay technically 3...) days off =.= so jialat
going to lindisfarne tmr!!!!
Got my program downloaded ^___^ happpyyyy. Did 55 EZ + 10 Abs + 10 Stretch and was gonna do 20 Core... but dafuq.... so difficult. i stopped we 5 mins left for core. Good enough la k lol. back on the wagon again!! took 4 (okay technically 3...) days off =.= so jialat
going to lindisfarne tmr!!!!
Friday, February 17
what have we done with our lives?
I lost the drive to work hard.. I mean, i still do work, but i can feel that i'm not as motivated as before. And by before, i mean back in CCHY.
back in those days, motivation just came naturally. studying yielded results, and i honestly loved studying. i enjoyed solving problems, i enjoyed writing stories.. it was a thoroughly wonderful academic experience. and that is actually why it baffles me, because the kind of education i received then is nothing compared to what i is made available to me now... so why am i not loving it now? because it's way too complex?
perhaps so. life is a journey of self-discovery and the more i learn about me, the more i see how lazy i am. where's the drive? where's the spirit you had in the past? i remember being so sure of my future, that i would definitely be a success. i knew it, i felt it in my guts. where's that kind of confidence now? even though it obviously would be naive and egoistic, but i think those thoughts motivated me to be better everyday.
i should force myself to be like that again.
*
i've been going to a whole buncha religious talks recently. over here, religious = christian. i do wonder why people believe. i do find it amusing? idk what's the word. but i know that i've never really tried to understand it in the first place, i just keep telling myself it's like believing in nothing. and sitting through all these talks didn't exactly reinforce my opinions... i do ask myself honestly now.. a part of me does want to believe that god exists. (religious people will obviously find this very offensive and roll their eyes at me. like i just committed blasphemy =.=)
and i've been trying to understand their faith, and even as i start understanding it, in my heart, i know it's not for me. the puzzle piece doesn't fit. i won't say i am a strict positivist, that i believe entirely in science.. because c'mon, i like astronomy and stuff like that, so how factual-based can i be right? still, when the dude talking said the bible is the best evidence provided, yeah, i agree. but when he said that we should believe because we have literal evidence provided to us... isn't it susceptible to edits? to exaggerations? idk. i know that we are taught to treat literature critically because they can be written with agendas in mind. how am i to know definitely that this isn't the case here?
and all this talk about saving ourselves... idk. i'd like to think that there's a need to focus on our current life, in this world. whatever happens, happens. but then they say, why allow yourself to suffer if you could have prevented it? i believe in fate. i believe in the universe and what it has laid out for me. the universe is my definition of a higher power, their god.
where am i going from here?
i honestly don't know.
but this isn't a faith i believe in.
world religion = love :)
back in those days, motivation just came naturally. studying yielded results, and i honestly loved studying. i enjoyed solving problems, i enjoyed writing stories.. it was a thoroughly wonderful academic experience. and that is actually why it baffles me, because the kind of education i received then is nothing compared to what i is made available to me now... so why am i not loving it now? because it's way too complex?
perhaps so. life is a journey of self-discovery and the more i learn about me, the more i see how lazy i am. where's the drive? where's the spirit you had in the past? i remember being so sure of my future, that i would definitely be a success. i knew it, i felt it in my guts. where's that kind of confidence now? even though it obviously would be naive and egoistic, but i think those thoughts motivated me to be better everyday.
i should force myself to be like that again.
*
i've been going to a whole buncha religious talks recently. over here, religious = christian. i do wonder why people believe. i do find it amusing? idk what's the word. but i know that i've never really tried to understand it in the first place, i just keep telling myself it's like believing in nothing. and sitting through all these talks didn't exactly reinforce my opinions... i do ask myself honestly now.. a part of me does want to believe that god exists. (religious people will obviously find this very offensive and roll their eyes at me. like i just committed blasphemy =.=)
and i've been trying to understand their faith, and even as i start understanding it, in my heart, i know it's not for me. the puzzle piece doesn't fit. i won't say i am a strict positivist, that i believe entirely in science.. because c'mon, i like astronomy and stuff like that, so how factual-based can i be right? still, when the dude talking said the bible is the best evidence provided, yeah, i agree. but when he said that we should believe because we have literal evidence provided to us... isn't it susceptible to edits? to exaggerations? idk. i know that we are taught to treat literature critically because they can be written with agendas in mind. how am i to know definitely that this isn't the case here?
and all this talk about saving ourselves... idk. i'd like to think that there's a need to focus on our current life, in this world. whatever happens, happens. but then they say, why allow yourself to suffer if you could have prevented it? i believe in fate. i believe in the universe and what it has laid out for me. the universe is my definition of a higher power, their god.
where am i going from here?
i honestly don't know.
but this isn't a faith i believe in.
world religion = love :)
Thursday, February 16
Got my laptop back, it's working like a charm now... obviously, since it got reformatted :( all my programs goneeeee. not that i really care about the programs la, but sian man, need to download again wtf.
i managed to retrieve my photos from my corrupted external hard drive, so all's good on that front. still, was MEGA ANNOYED with the repair guy because he DIDN'T LISTEN. i know he wasn't listening when i told him yesterday, could tell from the look on his face because he just assumed he knew which folder i was talking about. nb, he saved all the pictures i didn't want. i wanted to cry man. heng sai, my external hard drive still surviving... but it's so fragile now, it'll die anytime.
haven't worked out for three days and I AM SO @*#&@*&#*@&#. i can GRAB a difference already la wtf. 3 days only leh!!!!! i need my turbo fire program asap!!! downloading it now >.< torrent, pls be faster thanks. too dependent on that workout program, but i'm the kind that can't do things by myself. i felt so gross just now that i did my own resistance and abs workout based on what i could remember.... it just isn't the same without the trainer's voice in my head egging me on. phail.
i managed to retrieve my photos from my corrupted external hard drive, so all's good on that front. still, was MEGA ANNOYED with the repair guy because he DIDN'T LISTEN. i know he wasn't listening when i told him yesterday, could tell from the look on his face because he just assumed he knew which folder i was talking about. nb, he saved all the pictures i didn't want. i wanted to cry man. heng sai, my external hard drive still surviving... but it's so fragile now, it'll die anytime.
haven't worked out for three days and I AM SO @*#&@*&#*@&#. i can GRAB a difference already la wtf. 3 days only leh!!!!! i need my turbo fire program asap!!! downloading it now >.< torrent, pls be faster thanks. too dependent on that workout program, but i'm the kind that can't do things by myself. i felt so gross just now that i did my own resistance and abs workout based on what i could remember.... it just isn't the same without the trainer's voice in my head egging me on. phail.
Wednesday, February 15
Happy Valentine's Day
smooches to all you awesome people hehehe!
sad note, my laptop crashed on me yesterday. okay, i really overestimated the capabilities of my super awesome vaio. been putting it on sleep mode when i'm out for class, so i think it may have taken a toll on me slick silver instrument. i took it to the store today and i honestly hope that the guy is right, that nothing is wrong with the hard drive. still, he's gonna reformat it and i'm gonna lose all my pictures... which i've uploaded on photobucket. i didn't managed to get some of them though :( so here's hoping he'll be able to salvage those last few folders i missed out.
it's about time my laptop gave out though. been using it for4 years + now? perhaps even 5... idk man. time flies! but it's an awesome laptop :) never given me much problems.. considering the amount of stuff i download. i don't download porn la, maybe that's why not as much problems as you horny boys out there HAHA.
aiya, i'm so lame. laugh at my own jokes wtf.
this vday is very boring. i had a mini celebration w my housemates :D we went out for coffee, yummyyyyy. and dinner was nice. no other half to celebrate with, but it's okay, i know i'm not one of those destined to be #foreveralone. (okay, slap myself, later KARMA) i honestly think i've been quite lucky/privileged when it comes to relationships.... maybe because i landed myself a bad egg at the very beginning so the universe thinks i should be with good people ^__^ thanks ah universe, let this streak continue okay. i don't mind if ryan gosling is next in line hor, thanks.
alexis gosling, alyssa gosling, alex gosling, gregory gosling, come to mama!
(ya, new addition to the list, gregory. or greger. or greg)
((but i don't really want to give birth.... very painful leh. am i willing to sacrifice that much?))
(((adoption?)))
sad note, my laptop crashed on me yesterday. okay, i really overestimated the capabilities of my super awesome vaio. been putting it on sleep mode when i'm out for class, so i think it may have taken a toll on me slick silver instrument. i took it to the store today and i honestly hope that the guy is right, that nothing is wrong with the hard drive. still, he's gonna reformat it and i'm gonna lose all my pictures... which i've uploaded on photobucket. i didn't managed to get some of them though :( so here's hoping he'll be able to salvage those last few folders i missed out.
it's about time my laptop gave out though. been using it for4 years + now? perhaps even 5... idk man. time flies! but it's an awesome laptop :) never given me much problems.. considering the amount of stuff i download. i don't download porn la, maybe that's why not as much problems as you horny boys out there HAHA.
aiya, i'm so lame. laugh at my own jokes wtf.
this vday is very boring. i had a mini celebration w my housemates :D we went out for coffee, yummyyyyy. and dinner was nice. no other half to celebrate with, but it's okay, i know i'm not one of those destined to be #foreveralone. (okay, slap myself, later KARMA) i honestly think i've been quite lucky/privileged when it comes to relationships.... maybe because i landed myself a bad egg at the very beginning so the universe thinks i should be with good people ^__^ thanks ah universe, let this streak continue okay. i don't mind if ryan gosling is next in line hor, thanks.
alexis gosling, alyssa gosling, alex gosling, gregory gosling, come to mama!
(ya, new addition to the list, gregory. or greger. or greg)
((but i don't really want to give birth.... very painful leh. am i willing to sacrifice that much?))
(((adoption?)))
Monday, February 13
my best friend mouth so big :O
hehe love you.
okay la, i know i frigging emo recently but i'm better k. menses no more = not as many emotional outbursts and being angsty. not saying that i don't get them when i'm not having my period, but they seem to occur more frequently and regularly when i do. mindfucking at its best during those days.
anyhow, on a funnier note, i've taken to standing in front of the mirror in my room many times a day just staring at my body, trying to work out which parts look better since i've started. it's going to be a month soon! a couple more days. i've only lost 1kg though, fml. but hao guo mei you la dui bu dui.
the lack of carbs this weekend is making me super peckish. shall make myself a peanut butter toastie... or maybe not. idk. or maybe yogurt with granola and blueberries.... or maybe not. idk. SEE THE BATTLE THAT GOES ON IN MY HEAD. ya, i spend half my time stressing over food.
hehe love you.
okay la, i know i frigging emo recently but i'm better k. menses no more = not as many emotional outbursts and being angsty. not saying that i don't get them when i'm not having my period, but they seem to occur more frequently and regularly when i do. mindfucking at its best during those days.
anyhow, on a funnier note, i've taken to standing in front of the mirror in my room many times a day just staring at my body, trying to work out which parts look better since i've started. it's going to be a month soon! a couple more days. i've only lost 1kg though, fml. but hao guo mei you la dui bu dui.
the lack of carbs this weekend is making me super peckish. shall make myself a peanut butter toastie... or maybe not. idk. or maybe yogurt with granola and blueberries.... or maybe not. idk. SEE THE BATTLE THAT GOES ON IN MY HEAD. ya, i spend half my time stressing over food.
Saturday, February 11
I swear my bowels/digestive system makes the weirdest sounds.
Anyhoooo...
If you've read about the 'Big Freeze' that has hit Europe, i'm glad to say that, apart from being hit by biting winds when you step out, Durham got off easy. We had snow last weekend, damp gloomy rainy weather yesterday (really really depressing) and gloomy weather today.. but that's about it. From the weather forecast, it seems the temperature will pick up by next week, so hopefully we'll get more sun :)
I guess no snowmans before i'm 22 :(
Anyhoooo...
If you've read about the 'Big Freeze' that has hit Europe, i'm glad to say that, apart from being hit by biting winds when you step out, Durham got off easy. We had snow last weekend, damp gloomy rainy weather yesterday (really really depressing) and gloomy weather today.. but that's about it. From the weather forecast, it seems the temperature will pick up by next week, so hopefully we'll get more sun :)
I guess no snowmans before i'm 22 :(
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